I am virgin and my bf wants to have sex, what should I do?
What do you want to do?
We wish you had given us some more information about yourself (such as age and gender), but are going to assume you are a cis-woman of legal age for the purposes of our answer. Even with us making this assumption, a lot of the following is non-gender specific and worth examining if you are anxious about sex.
How do you feel about the idea of having sex for the first time?
The most important aspect is that you be comfortable with the idea. Since we have no background for you or the reason for your abstinence, remember that you are under no obligation to have sex if you do not wish to, ever. You don’t even need to have a specific reason - if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. It’s that simple.
Mental comfort with this decision is the foundation to a pleasurable and comfortable first time and your boyfriend should respect whatever decision you make. If you decide to have sex, maybe at points, it will be awkward, but that is why clear communication before and during sex is important - don’t be afraid to set boundaries, try different things, or stop if you change your mind or get uncomfortable.
We would also suggest figuring out which form of contraception and safety you would prefer beforehand. We would strongly recommend the use of a condom at the very least, as it reduces the chance of unwanted pregnancies and STIs / STDs. The first time can be quite daunting and even with the proper precautions, you may feel the need to be extra careful. Keeping this in mind, will you be able to access the morning after pill, in case you feel the need? Do you have a space where you could have sex without compromising your security? If something goes wrong (pregnancy scare, STI scare, etc.), will you be supported by your friends and/or family? Do you have access to medical care (specifically a gynaecologist), in case you would like to explore options regarding safety (birth control and testing facilities)? Who would cover the expenses of these items (condoms, pills, tests, etc.)?
These questions aren’t meant to scare you or make you feel like it’s a big deal. We just want you to be as prepared as possible, so you can feel great about your decision, rather than apprehensive or intimidated.
Sex is about two people doing something fun. Therefore, we suggest discussing the above questions with your boyfriend as well, so you both can be on the same page and neither party feels pressure about the situation. Lastly, remember that either of you can say no anytime, even in the middle of having sex! Your bodily autonomy is sacred, and the foundation of pleasure is built on respect and trust.
Whichever option you choose, we hope you feel cared for, and happy!
The Second Puberty