Alias: gay_babe
I'm bisexual. I really like this girl. And I want to impress her and all. But then I feel like a fool when I talk to her openly and give out the details about my life. How should I go about it? Do you know ways to impress without feeling stupid myself?
Hi gay_babe,
In 2013, author Tim Kreider published an essay in The New York Times. The last line read “if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.” This quickly became a meme, taking over Tumblr and Twitter, and like any good meme, people found some semblance of their experience with vulnerability and its rewards reflected in that one-liner.
By bringing up that internet history, we just want to make the point that worrying too much about feeling silly while sharing your life with your crush is futile! For her to get to know you and fall for you, you would have to talk about yourself at some point anyway.
And that may be where the real fear lies? What if she doesn't like what you tell her? What if she finds you lame?
You asked us how should you go about impressing someone without feeling silly and we could tell you to shower them in gifts, and take them out to fancy places (lol, pandemic, please DO NOT), but that’s not what ultimately makes love happen, does it? Infatuation, maybe, but not love. Our brains are limited in a way that everything we ever say is based on our experience and how we perceive the world. There is no way to detach from that so every conversation - whether it be about politics, books, food, music, video games, god - boils down to us sharing parts of our lives. You could talk about astrophysics, and you’d still reveal that you are bit of a nerd who likes astrophysics.
When your crush talks about her life, we bet you don’t think it’s “stupid”, so why should she? Trust that your life is equally exciting to her, which is why she is talking to you. We don’t have any advice for you, other than just be honest and continue to be vulnerable. We have all felt that wave of silliness when you first start liking someone (terrifying and ew!), so just know we're rooting for you in solidarity!
Stay questioning,
The Second Puberty